I DIDN'T CRY YOU GUYS.

So on the 2nd I received a fanclub mail...

It said “buy special edition DUM SPIRO SPERO today at these specific stores and receive a ticket for a signing session.”

Dir en grey RARELY, and I mean RARELY, do signing sessions here.

So I listened to my shoulder devil and bought it at Tower Records in Shinjuku.

I got the special ticket. I was number 40. (In Japan, tickets have numbers. Hooray lack of chaos!) There were about 200ish people. It was at Tower Records in Shibuya. The event was in the basement stage area thing.

So, waiting… DUM SPIRO SPERO statue, zombie pictures, glamour shots… waiting… waiting… waiting… There’s a loli, some punks, goths, normal looking people, some old woman, a decent number of dudes, many people in Diru or Deadly Claris shirts, some gyaru. Waiting… waiting… Then we get to the stage area… There’s only one chair. Everyone is confused.

The staff guy says no photos, VERY FEW WORDS, no touching, we can only have the member sign our sparkly unicorn edition DSS. Then he says thank you for waiting, let’s begin.

Kyo (the vocalist, and probably most popular member who rarely ever does interviews) walks out.

Everyone flips shit. I thought my ears were gonna bleed.

Erina, the girl ahead of me, was trying to breathe. The girl behind me started crying and painfully grabbed onto my shoulders.

I didn’t cry, but I thought my heart was gonna explode for a second.

HE’S SO TINY AND THE TATTOOS AND OMFG. He didn’t have his hat or his sunglasses.

To be fair, he also looked very uncomfortable. When it was my turn, all I said was “arigatou gozaimasu” (thank you) after he signed my copy.

It was over so quickly.

Kyo has such a lazy signature lol.

Then Erina, my boyfriend, and I went to Saizeriya. Then boyfriend and I went to the Ueno Zoo. I also forgot how smelly zoos are. BUT THERE WAS A SECRETARY BIRD HOLY SHIT. And boyfriend’s opposed to my snake-as-a-pet idea. Poo.

Then we came home and ate dinner while watching Emperor’s New Groove and Paranormal Activity 2.

It was a good day. <3

Tsukuba

So on the 22nd, Ryo and I went to Tsukuba City in Ibaraki Prefecture, which is where Mr. Inoue lives and works. Yoshio Inoue used to be a student of my grandfather's in Arizona. We took the Tsukuba Express train from Akihabara (Akihabara is famous for being nerd/geek central). It was a nice ride. It was kind of strange though because at different stops, it would go way underground like a subway, but some of the stops were really high up off the ground like a monorail. We got to see some nice scenery. This was my first visit to Ibaraki-ken. When we got on the train, the weather in Tokyo was really hot, but by the time we got to Tsukuba Station, it was pouring rain and kind of windy. Mr. Inoue picked us up in his car really close to the station.

Mr. Inoue had wanted to take us to Mt. Tsukuba, but because of the weather, we went to JAXA (Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency) instead. There's a real rocket in the parking lot! We got there just in time for a scheduled tour, so that's what we did. It started off with a video talking about the agency, and then they demonstrated how crazy loud a rocket launching actually is. Then they took us to the Exhibition Hall, where they showed us all sorts of different equipment and previously launched satellites and whatnot. I read all the English information charts because I was having a really hard time keeping up with the tour guide. There were also some creepy mannequins in some of the mock-ups of some of the transport vehicles. Mr. Inoue said that he uses some of the data collected at JAXA in his own work.

Next we went to a geological museum created by the Geological Survey of Japan. There was less English there, but t most of the labeling of the different rocks and minerals had the English names too. On the ceiling in the main lobby, there was a mirror in the shape of Japan with different colored lightbulbs, each representing different earthquakes in Japan's history. (Ryo was acting like a little kid, going around pushing everything that had buttons. Sometimes I wonder if he's actually 27.) There was a giant periodic table of elements that had a large number of those elements encased in glass. There were also origami dinosaurs.

After that, we walked into a separate building, where the Science Square of Tsukuba was. There was all kind of crazy technology there, including PARO (a robotic seal used for therapy), a robotic T-rex, a computer program for learning English that was like 100x better than Rosetta Stone, a security camera system that recognizes "bad behavior," new technology for getting rid of asbestos waste, a weird bicycle, a crazy interactive camera mirror thing, there was a ton of stuff.

Then the staff informed us they would be closing soon, so Mr. Inoue brought us to his house where his wife had made dinner and was waiting. Their house is filled with art made by their younger child and Mrs. Inoue, but neither of their children were present that night. Their two dogs objected very loudly to Ryo and me being there. We had a lovely meal which consisted of two different salads (one with eel and salmon, another with grapefruit and Italian ham), a meat pie with cheese (it tasted like meat loaf with cheese and pie crust), some kind of pastry filled with tuna, chicken, and onions, and for dessert we had roll cake and tea. We talked about their family, and what made me interested in Japanese, how Ryo and I met, and before we left, Mr. Inoue showed us some of his younger child's art. Wow. I was really impressed. Apparently one of the pieces was featured in Ueno (there's a huge art museum in Ueno Park).

Then Mr. and Mrs. Inoue drove us back to the station and we said goodbye. I hope I can visit them again.

Insprirational (to me) People

(...who aren't people I know in real life.)

Dir en grey (especially Kyo)

Zoetica Ebb

Squeak

Spider Jerusalem

Batman

Rorschach

Michael Hussar

Salvador Dalí

Diego Velázquez

Maynard James Keenan

Zoe Washburne

Kat von D

Otep

Lady Gaga

Hyde

Chuck Palahniuk

Abby Sciuto

Artemis (the Greek Goddess)


Yes, I realize some of these people are fictitious. Bite me.

Bleep bloop.

So my sleep schedule is effing stupid at the moment. Part of it is constantly being woken up by aftershocks/assholes ringing my doorbell before 11am/those damn soundtrucks/Maura and I have been on a horror movie binge (in an attempt to feel more like actual residents, we have gotten a TV -yay news- and membership cards at the DVD rental place near the station).

TUJ has postponed classes resuming until the 4th of April. Why? I have no fucking idea and I think it's stupid. I was actually looking forward to going to classes on Monday. Oh, and I can't get a refund for my month-long commuter pass that I only got to use for like a week. Thanks, TUJ class cancellation/douchey Toei Oedo refund regulations.

Outside of Alaska, this is by far the coldest March I've ever experienced. Goddamn. There was snow in Kichijoji (western Tokyo) on the 23rd.

For St. Patrick's Day, we (me/Maura/Ryo) went to an Italian restaurant, drank sake (Japanese rice wine) and watched The Departed. Very Irish, I know.

On the 19th, Maura, Ryo & I went to Daikanyama, where I introduced Maura to my tattoo artist Hase and he touched up/added to her Miyavi kanji. It turned out awesome. Ryo & I donated to Red Cross and had Thai food for lunch. Then the three of us went to Royal Host and I had pancakes. Afterwards, we went to Tower Records. There was some whiteboard thingy where you could write to Luna Sea, so Maura and I did. I saw Kuriyama Chiaki's debut album but didn't get it. Instead I got GiGS no.336 (Dir en grey's on the cover), Tokyo Vice by Jake Adelstein (my own copy, which Ryo is currently borrowing) and Yakuza Moon by Shoko Tendo. Holy shit is Yakuza Moon depressing. I also wanted to get that-one-other-magazine-that-I-don't-remember-the-name-of but had FANTASTIC pictures of LM.C. Oh my god, is Maya-tan sexy. On our way back home, WE FOUND BREAD AT THE CONVENIENCE STORE. HOLY SHIT. YOU CAN'T FIND MILK OR BREAD ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW. And I got an e-mail from Uchiko. And the weather was actually awesome that day! It was an awesome day.

I am very disappointed in America lately. Just, all around. Seriously. What the fuck, guys.

HEY FOREIGN MEDIA: Japanese media underreacting is no excuse for you to overreact and print lies and ignore real problems. Most of you assholes don't even speak Japanese, what the fuck are you doing over here?

Monty Dickson, a JET from Anchorage up in Tohoku, is still missing. =(

A comedian is running for governor of Tokyo. Hope the next governor's better than Ishihara, the xenophobic/homophobic douche.

The Fukushima situation has exposed a grave danger to our world. But the danger isn't radiation, it's the poor state of science education. For every 1 person to die from nuclear energy, 4,000 die because of coal.

I'm so proud of Ryo. These past two weeks (or whatever) has really shown me how much he truly cares about me. He took care of me and translated news stuff for us constantly. (He went back to Shiga Tuesday night.) He's so sweet and wonderful.

Last night, Maura and I went to Shinjuku to go to Kinokuniya (huge bookstore) and Closet Child... except Closet Child is apparently closing early lately because they, like many businesses and homes, are trying to conserve energy in order to prevent blackouts and reroute unused power to Tohoku. So we went to karaoke. And let me tell you, some Dir en grey songs are just fucking impossible to sing (but oh how I love Drain Away and Koudou). I bought legwarmers at Donki.

So I got the lottery ticket dealie for the fanclub only tour... I got both Tokyo shows, but I dunno if I'll be here or if I have the money for the tickets. ;_; It's towards the end of May.

I really want a new tattoo or piercing or to dye my hair purple again. Argh. Every time I go to a show or see rocker/Vkei kids...

One thing I loved about the King of Tattoo convention: NOBODY stared at me because everybody (gaijin or Japanese) had piercings and tattoos and possibly dyed hair. I haven't felt that in a room full of strangers in so long.

My Kanji II and Crime, Deviance, & Social Control in Japan finals are on the same day and one hour apart. FML.

Because I'm paranoid of aftershocks, I've taken to carrying my passport and a few other bits of precious with me, like the sweet Valentine's Day note Ryo wrote for me and my Dir en grey fanclub metal card thing, with me at all times. Lugging a purse all the time though is kind of a pain in the ass to be honest.

Life is almost normal in Tokyo, slowly but surely.

I finally tried the Starbucks instant coffee VIA stuff or whatever it is that my mother sent me ages ago. It actually tastes like coffee for the most part.

I need to do laundry.

Since Friday

I had not left my apartment since I got back to it Friday night (it is now technically Tuesday morning, about a quarter after 5).

Enough TUJ students were complaining about the way TUJ staff & faculty handled things before and after the earthquake, so now there is an "event" on facebook organized by the TUJ student government.

Classes are canceled today and tomorrow, students will not be penalized for attendance or academics for a while. TUJ still hasn't admitted they fucked up Friday night.

Everyone keeps getting mixed information.

Power companies & the government want to have controlled blackouts to help the Tohoku region. Tokyo's scheduled blackout was postponed because so many homes & businesses right now are using less power than normal.

Even though there are food, water, gas, and other shortages are starting to happen, nobody is rioting. Everyone is still calm.

Trying to sift through the news- what's real and what's not, or exaggerated. Foreign media I think is sensationalizing everything and making our parents and families panic unnecessarily. Due to this, many people are fleeing Tokyo and Japan altogether. Some stupid assholes on twitter are making claims on little or no evidence.

Tokyo is 99% fine! Tohoku is the area in trouble. Please look at a map. Tokyo is in the Kanto region.

Ryo has been so amazing, staying calm and strong, reading/watching the Japanese news sources and translating.

Global rescue teams have arrived in Japan. Many charities are donating and new ones have been set up. Rock stars and other famous people here have starting auctioning off items with the proceeds to go to the Tohoku region and the people there.

These are recent news bits from The Japan Times, Asahi Shumbun English, and NHK WORLD English:

"Japan upgrades magnitude of quake to 9.0"

"A hydrogen explosion occurred Monday morning at the quake-hit Fukushima No. 1 nuclear power plant's troubled No. 3 reactor, injuring 11 people, but the reactor's containment vessel was not damaged, the government's nuclear safety agency and the plant's operator said."

"The utility had been pouring seawater into the plant's No. 1 and No. 3 reactors to help cool their cores, which are believed to have partially melted after part of the fuel rods were no longer covered by coolant water when levels fell following the quake."

"Japanese police official in Miyagi says another 1,000 bodies have been found in quake-hit coastal areas."

"SDF in full disaster deployment; U.S. military pitches in"

"Seabed split; quake tilted Earth's axis 10 cm"

"Experts estimate the impact of the world's fifth-largest quake caused a displacement of about 20 meters and a fault a few hundred kilometers long."

"Japan's seismic risk map indicates there was a 99 percent risk of a magnitude 7.5 or larger earthquake hitting the region in the next 30 years."

"Prime Minister Naoto Kan has called on the public to reduce electricity consumption to prevent a massive power outage."

"Toyota, Nissan to suspend all domestic production"

"Region's industries, distribution networks grind to a halt"

"Tokyo stocks fall, yen rises after disaster"

"Seawater trapped inland after tsunami"

"Tremors shift to central, inland Japan"

"Half of coastal town's residents are missing" (in reference to Minami-Sanriku, Miyagi Prefecture)

"Edano's statement matches what many nuclear experts are saying. Fukushima, while serious, doesn't appear to be Chernobyl-like situation."

"2,000 more added to death toll in Miyagi; dead and missing top 5,000; 450,000 evacuated"

"Lessons learned in Kobe aid relief effort" (in reference to the really bad Hanshin Earthquake in which the government fucked up bad in their reaction.)

These news sources are more reliable at the moment than say, TIME. Maura and I have been continuously tweeting and watching news (much to Ryo's irritation), and I think we have a pretty good factual account going on.

UCHIKO IS OKAY! We had heard from her after the initial quake, but we heard from her again today. She's okay, her family is okay, she finally has access to electric power in her part of Miyagi Prefecture.

In Tokyo, we're still getting aftershocks or small(ish) earthquakes. Yesterday (the 14th), both Nagano and Ibaraki had earthquakes.

So I actually left the apartment for the first time since Friday night. Maura, Ryo and I went to Donki in search of board games. Other than food supplies being low, you'd think it was just another day in Tokyo. Maura bought a small TV with a built-in DVD player, so now we can watch the news and occasionally break and watch movies. We also ate at Saizeriya (think Japan's version of Olive Garden).

Other people can do what they want, but I don't want to leave. I've worked too goddamn hard to get here and fought too damn hard for my apartment against racist assholes and find a way to stay at my shit school. I'm not alone in this, my boyfriend and roommate and many friends are with me. I know my family is worried and I miss and love them, but my life is here now. I've wanted my future to be here for a long time. I've sacrificed too much to get here. I'm not leaving unless I have no choice.

Still safe and sound (for now). Keep checking my twitter for speedier updates.

The Earthquake

So as you all know by now, Japan was hit by its biggest earthquake in recorded history on Friday (yesterday).

I'm going to tell you what happened from my POV, and I will try to tell it as best and factually as I can from memory.

Ryo and I walked to Numabukuro-eki (the closest station that I use to get anywhere). We stopped at the bakery next to the station. We rode the train and I got off at Nakai-eki to transfer to the Oedo-sen (the subway I use, which by the way, is the deepest subway in Japan/I think maybe the world). I walk out of Azabujuuban-eki at around 2:30ish, and I literally walked in the door, couldn't use the elevator, and Azabu Hall starts shaking at (according to the news) 2:46pm.

The only reasons I was at school? I had a Japanese chapter test and a project to work on.

Everyone ran out of the building. I saw my friends, including Alicia (my project partner). After a few minutes, we went back inside, and Alicia, Michael (O) and I went up to the computer lab. After Mike and I convinced Alicia that the earthquake had stopped and we weren't gonna die, everything started shaking again, so once again we exited. I texted everyone in my phonebook asking if they were okay if they weren't at school or a non-school friend.

After 10-15 minutes (this is an estimation) TUJ students and staff were told to go home and contact our families. And that was it. No "By the way, all train lines have stopped."

This is taken from facebook (read after I finally got home):
(15 hours ago at the time of this writing)T****a L***n:
Is appalled by TUJ's gross neglect of the well being of it's students. after being told by the Dean of the school that we must leave the property because they are not liable for injuries at this point, hearing that students had to plead with building managers to stay at the school overnight, getting up to date info from a student through his personal facebook account , and then receiving a brief "Are you Ok" email from the school 12 hours past the incident, I AM LIVID!!! I thought school's were suppose to be a safe haven especially when you are in a foreign country. I am sorry for ever believing I could rely on Temple University Japan Campus for help in a natural disaster.This proves that TUJ is not a school but a poorly run business. I am. Just grateful for having fellow students who help one another in a time of crisis.

(in reply) C******a C***k:
‎....could not have been said better. honestly. i was lucky because one of my japanese teachers saw me and literally grabbed me and told me we were leaving together, and after a couple hours ended up at her husbands office. school did nothing for us. all of that bs that if something happened they would be prepared...i really dont knwo what to do. i feel like maybe i should go home, really because of that. they left us stranded today

(in reply) M*****l O****l:
after they closed the school at 3, they told us the trains probably woudln't be working... but just to wait it out. I had to walk 2 hours home and I only managed to get home bc I live so close and had a friend help me walk the streets. the least TUJ could have done was help people make it to Keio's earthquake shelter or hand out maps to get us home XD

However, T****a K******a wrote (24 hrs ago at the time of this writing):
DEAR Temple U Japan Students, we are negotiating with the Azabu building manager whether students can stay in the building over night since most of all trains and subways in Tokyo will be out of the service till tomorrow morning. We will inform it soon, and Student Government will distribute water and some snacks at Cafeteria.

Followed by (one hour later):
Dear all TUJ Students, Azabu hall will be open over night. The front door is closed, but you can use the back door. ATTENTION: after 10 o'clock, the back door will be locked from outside. So when you go outside, Please remind your friends to open the door from inside. Student Government distribute drinks and snacks at Cafeteria. Share this for you friends who stuck in the station or somewhere.

Anyways.

I wasn't gonna be stranded at school. After hanging around school for a while with Alicia, Michael, and a few other people, we walked to Tamachi-eki to see what the train situation was. Alicia said fuck that, let's take the bus to Shinjuku. We left Keiko and Michael behind. One guy waited in line for a bus to Shibuya. Alicia, Y (I dunno her name) and I started looking for the Shinjuku bus. We found Sophia and Danielle, who had, like many students, decided it was a good time to get smashed. I wanted to be sober and trying to get home. Eventually Alicia and I lost track of the other three and kept on trekking down Meiji-dori (really really long road in Tokyo). We got to Shibuya-eki at 6:47pm, but the trains were still down and the bus/taxi terminal was super crowded. Alicia stopped and rested for a bit in Shibuya before continuing on to Harajuku, cuz dammit, I wanted to go home and my boyfriend was waiting for me in Shinjuku.

At around 7:30, Ryo informed us that the news said all trains would be down through the night.

After we reached Harajuku, we searched desparately for both a bathroom and an empty, on-duty taxi. We found neither. Instead, we found purikura. It was warm, at least. After our "FUCK EARTHQUAKES" purikura, we headed to Shinjuku. At some point, we found a Lawson convenience store that was actually letting people use their toilet. I wanted to kick the men in line outside, saying "go find a bush" but I didn't. We waited for the toilet for about half an hour. The lady in line behind us told her she'd waited for two hours for a bus in Shibuya, and it took that long to get to Yoyogi (where we were. Check the map, from Tamachi to Shinjuku is normally a half-hour train ride. Walking was a bitch. I don't know if my legs will heal properly cuz I've never walked that far in one go before).

We finally got to Shinjuku. Alicia decided to try for a bus from Shinjuku-eki to Ikebukuro. I found Ryo at SeibuShinjuku-eki at around 10pm. We decided to try to go to a less crowded restaurant (almost every restaurant, cafe, fast food, and karaoke places were filled to the brim with people.) We were surprised to find SeibuShinjuku-eki open. Their trains were running again! We had to wait to get on a train, but we rode it to Numabukuro-eki.

Everyone was calm. No rioting, no looting.

First e-mail sent to family (3:36pm): Subject, tokyo quake. message body: i'm alive and unscathed so far.

Second e-mail to family/?th to Maura (6pm): still alive. was at school. trying to get home. trains down. phones down. buses & taxis full, not stopping for anyone. Ryo is alive somewhere. aftershocks stopped so far.

?th e-mail to Maura: (7:56pm): walking to harajuku, from school. Ryo is in shinjuku, gonna try to meet him.

Third e-mail to family/?th to Maura: still okay, besides cold & legs hurting. found Ryo. in shinjuku. don't know how to get home besides walking. tohoku region hit worst. they have nuclear plants. news says biggest quake in japanese history.

We get home and find Maura. She's okay. The apartment was a fucking mess. Alicia decides to come over and stay the night. Ryo and I pick her up from the station. We come back. I check newsfeeds and update facebook, twitter, and mixi to let people know I'm okay. Ryo makes food.

Facebook/twitter status updates in chronological order (starting from 20 hours ago):
I am alive, unscathed, cold and my legs hurt. Apartment's standing but everything's on the floor. Is everyone else here in Japan okay?

皆大丈夫？

Please, aftershocks, fucking stop. Please.

Everyone, thank you so much for your comments and concerns. I had to walk six hours to make it home, but Tokyo was fine for the most part. Please direct your thoughts and prayers to those in the Tohoku region.

"The biggest earthquake to hit Japan since records began." I'm fucking exhausted but I'm scared to fall asleep. Should I go to bed fully clothed just in case? We keep being warned about more huge aftershocks.

going to attempt sleep. will update later (hopefully)

I am trying so hard right now not to lose my shit and wake up Maura and Alicia. Ryo is trying to be my rock.

Ryo is dragging me back to bed and doesn't want me checking the news for a few hours. He wants me to sleep. Don't think I can.

Didn't sleep very well. Still have not heard back from Nori, Masaki, Aki, Shorty, some of my profs, friend's parents were in Sendai, still getting aftershocks. Maura's gonna try to go to work. =/

Rikuzentakata is gone. Four whole trains full of people are missing. Fukushima's nuclear power plant is leaking. 217 confirmed dead, over 1,000 feared dead. More than 20,000 stranded in & around Tokyo.

The trains are starting to work again.

Still have power... so far... (half an hour ago)

(end)


At around 3-4am today, a 6.6 earthquake hit Nagano. We are STILL having aftershocks. A nuclear reactor in Fukushima exploded around 2 hours ago. Reported deaths are 564 so far. So far we still have heat, power, and water. I've heard back from most everyone that they're okay, but friends' family members in the Tohoku area are still unaccounted for, for the most part. My mom wants me to come home.

I will try to keep everyone updated for as long as I can.

We're not out of the woods yet. Tokyo is fine, for now.

Asia Girls Explosion and Miyavi Tour Final & other stuff

So on the the 6th, as part of my work for JRockRevolution.com, I passed out tickets and t-shirts for a special package JRR did for Asia Girls Explosion, Yoshiki's fashion rock event thing. Maura was also there as press and Erin was taking pictures.

This is the article as written by Maura, photos by Erin: http://jrockrevolution.com/index.php/feature-articles/1666-live-report-age-in-tokyo-japan.html

This is another article covering the event: http://jrockrevolution.com/index.php/news/jrock-news/1663-x-japans-yoshiki-has-marilyn-manson-walk-the-runway-at-his-qasia-girls-explosionq-fashion-event-in-tokyo.html

I unfortunately must spare you my hilarious notes that I took, as I must be somewhat professional and my notes are not. One thing I will say: Not so many Asians, girls, or explosions during the event. =/ Also, apparently Asia stands for Anger Sorrow In Aquarium. Yeeeeppppp. Cuz that totally makes sense.

For the most part, it was fun. The music was good.

The weather that day was pretty fantastic. The people I worked with were also pretty chill.

My compensation for working was a free t-shirt and I was on a guest list to see the show free.

Last night, I went to Miyavi's What's My Name? tour final at Ebisu Liquid Room. Because I have no money, Maura paid for my ticket.

I got to Ebisu and had no idea how to get to the venue. As I was stuffing my coat and bag into a train locker, I saw a girl near me holding a ticket, so I asked if she was going to the show. She said yes and I asked if she knew the way to Liquid Room. She said yes and we walked together. This is exactly how I met my friend Chiyo on the way to the King of Tattoo convention. Her name is Misa, she's a high school student from Tokyo. She's really cool. Apparently she went to Asia Girls Explosion too!

We got there and I immediately found Maura (last night was her 90th Miyavi show), dragging Misa with me to the front. Mikan, Dankichi, and Uchiko were up front with her. I introduced Misa. While we were waiting for the show to start, I met a girl named Misato. The music that played was all old shit, from America, like Where's Your Head At and that dirty sandwich song by The Detroit Grand Pubahs.

The actual show was great. Miyavi's taken his extensions out, his hair is all one color. It's shorter in back and longer in front.

He played some songs I didn't know, either new ones and/or old ones that I missed.

Setlist:
new song
What's My Name?
Universe
Survive
Hell No
Chase
Ossan Ossan Ore Nanbo
Chillin' Chillin' Money Blues
I Love You I Love You I Love You I Hate You
new song
new song
Moon
We Love You
Torture
SMFB/Super Mother Fucker Bitch
Are You Ready To Rock?
Futuristic Love

Encore:
Futuristic Love (reprise)
Sakihokoru Hana No You Ni Neo Visualizm
Survive (again)

At some point he did a bit of emceeing, in which he talked about his European tour and I screamed "KI WO TSUKETE!" (be careful) because his French and Swedish fans are batshit stupid fangirl crazy. As in they have literally pulled him off the stage and torn off his shirt and left claw marks.

Mayumi snuck up on me during the emcee, haha.

I was next to Uchiko the whole time. During We Love You, Maura, Dankichi, Misato, Uchiko and I all had a hand-holding chain.

Before the show started, Lovelie-chan (his daughter), his mother, his wife Melody, and his grandfather came out to a special section of the audience to sit and watch. We all waved at Lovelie and she tried to hide. She also paid little attention to her father onstage.

After the show everyone was demachi(waiting for the artist to exit)-ing, and I saw Miyuki, Tsugumi, Toki, and Azume.

Maura talked to this French chick and I talked to Misa, who for some reason was really shy. I told her that she could talk to the CoMiyavi, they're all nice and friendly, but just talked to me.

Afterwards, 17 of us went to Ootoya (chain restaurant) and met up with two other CoMyvs that were there. The staff looked like "Goddamn it, they've invading." I had chicken cutlets with cabbage over rice and hot udon. I like washoku (Japanese cooking).

Misa couldn't come with us cuz she lives far away. Uchiko and Mikan stayed the night at out apartment, so they got to meet Ryo (my boyfriend).

Uchiko gave me an old Dir en grey GAUZE uchiwa (non-folding fan) from some event at Tower Records she went to! I couldn't believe it. I pinned it to my wall.

Misa, Mikan, and I couldn't attend CoMiyavi Hangout Day because Misa and I had school while Mikan had to go back to wherever she lives in inaka (the countryside).

The CoMiyavi are fucking awesome.

I watched LM.C's new PV. All I have to say is, "Drugs are bad, mmkay Mayatan?" The song is good though.

Dir en grey announced fanclub tour for May but I dunno if I can go. ;_; I love their PV for LOTUS because I'm an art history nerd, but it looks like Kaoru is wearing crocs and Kyo looks like Tyler Durden during the last parts of Fight Club. I also like the song, although at the end when Kyo says "What is believing?" it sounds like "What is pubic?" to me.

Apparently my SuicideGirls subscription ran out. Oh well.

I got a 72/100 on my first kanji test and 78/100 on my second one. TWO POINTS and it would have been a B. AAARRGGGHHHHH.

I painted my nails (fingers and toes) but they're chipping already. Sad panda.

On the 27th of February, I went to Rin-KG- and got my smiley faces touched up. It was good to see Hase again and catch up. Afterwards, Steff, Maura, Ryo, Jess, Mimu and I went to yakiniku cuz it was Steff's last night in Tokyo. =( After that we went to karaoke (minus Mimu) and sang a bunch of old songs. Jess sang some old Malice Mizer song and so Maura, Steff, Jess, and I all pretended we were Malice Mizer members. I was Kozi, the sad oculophilic clown, cuz he was always my favorite Malice member. =D

When Steff sang Sakihokoru Hana No You Ni Neo Visualizm, Maura and I started doing the gestures, and Ryo was like "Nani sore?" (what is that?) We explained that in visual kei (old school), each song has gestures. Pop groups and idoru also sometimes have gestures. Since Ryo listens to punk music, those audiences just mosh. We tried to teach him a couple. It was funny. Jess sang Kurenai really well too.

And because it's almost 3am now, I'm off to bed.

The Holidays + Recently

Okay, sorry, yes. I'm finally updating about December/January/etc.

For Christmas, Ryo, Maura, and I went to Erin's where her & her mom (Ginny?) were making dinner. Aki came over later. We ate, hung out, had a sock circle, Ryo tickled Aki (which was hilarious), etc. Then we went to Tokyo Dome City and did purikura, then we walked to KaraokeKan. On the way, we found a 7-11 with Slurpees! I don't think I've had a Slurpee in like 5 years. It was awesome. Karaoke was fun. Then everyone went home.

I already posted about the amazing Dir en grey fanclub show on the 27th.

For New Year's Day, we didn't really do anything. But a day or two after that, Ryo & I went to the Asakusa for Hatsumoude (New Year's Celebration). We ate yakisoba and jagaimo and rode in a rickshaw! It was fun.

For Setsubun (February 3rd, Bean-Throwing Ceremony, the day before the beginning of spring in Japan), we made an oni (demon) mask that Ryo wore while Maura threw the beans. It was silly and fun.

I read Jake Adelstein's Tokyo Vice. Everyone who has an interest in Japan should read it. He came to my Crime, Deviance, & Social Control in Japan class today to talk to us. He contributes to http://www.japansubculture.com/, a very interesting and informative site about the less sparkly parts of "cool Japan." His book will never be printed in Japanese officially unless he changes some things, most notably the mentions of certain companies as being either fronts of or friendly to the yakuza. Wonderful book, at times hilarious, but mostly depressing.

Yesterday I went to the Polaris Project lecture. Polaris Project is an NPO dealing with human trafficking (http://www.polarisproject.org/). Ryo came too. He said he was ashamed that Japan is so bad at dealing with these kinds of issues. I told him not to worry, because every country has its own bullshit and dirty secrets and bad histories.

Steff is staying with us while her & Maura go on Miyavi's latest tour. It snowed the night she got here, and again later. Snow in Tokyo is not rare, but seldom happens in winter.

Ryo had an interview in Ginza yesterday. I hope he gets the job. Applying for careers over here is insane.

I will try to be better about updating in the future. Sorry.

AUGH

(Okay, yes, I know, it's almost February. I promise I'll write about winter break when I have the proper amount of time and the right mindset. Sorry.)

I fucking hate this.

I'm fucking tired of being angry.

I'm tired of stupid little shit pissing me off.

Why can't I just let shit go?

I've tried breathing exercises, counting to ten, all that shit. It doesn't work.

Why?

Why am I so goddamn angry all the goddamn time?

I'm tired of being filled with rage.

I enjoy schadenfreude way too much.

I'm harsh and snarky and cynical and sarcastic and pessimistic.

When I'm not angry, I'm sad or just... numb. Very rarely am I content (like when I'm having a good time with my friends or Ryo sends me a sweet message), and even rarer are my moments of actual happiness.

I'm sure my friends are sick of my shittastic attitude as well.

FUCK.

What Might Have Been

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, and I've moved on
So when you cross my mind...

I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin' in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past...

So try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin' in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night, I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say good bye, and turn and walk away...

And try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin' in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
No we'll never know, what might have been

"What Might Have Been" by Lonestar


Yes, I know, "WTF SHE KNOWS A COUNTRY SONG!?" It's all I used to hear with my mom in the car and stuff as a kid.

Ignoring the country part...

Brandon was kind enough to walk me to the station tonight after our Kanji class. He's from Portland, so talking to him got me kinda nostalgic about Pacific, and our conversation made me think of various "What if I had..." scenarios.

Life is choices and trade-offs and sacrifices. I've learned that the hard way.

What if I had gone on the Euro trip before college?

What if I had stayed in Alaska?

What if I had stayed at Pacific?

What if I had stayed here for this past summer?

Some of the possible answers to these questions make me shudder (hooray hindsight being 20/20, yeah?). And yet, some of them make me sad that I'm missing out on certain things.

I know it's stupid to wonder about that kind of thing, but I think it's normal and unavoidable.

I've left behind family, close friends, and lovers to try to follow my dreams. Sometimes I wonder if I've made a mistake. Other times I'm glad I made that choice.



rabblerabble /emoness

First Dir en grey Fanclub Show

So as the title says, I went to my first fan club show on 12/27. The show was at Zepp Tokyo, which is in Odaiba, kinda close to ShinKiba for those of you not very familiar with Tokyo.

I was ticket #230, meaning I was really close up front. There were literally two or three people in front of me, then the guard rail, then security pit, then the stage.

I was pleasantly surprised with the set list. They played stuff from GAUZE and MACABRE. Very pleased. It was a great mix of old and new stuff.

Set list from the show:
Mazohyst of Decadence
Obscure
Zan
Merciless Cult
Doukoku to Sarinu
Agitated Screams of Maggots
The Deeper Vileness
Bugaboo
Spilled Milk
Deity
Dozing Green
Hydra -666-
Repetition of Hatred
Beautiful Dirt
Reiketsu Nariseba

Encore:
Ain't Afraid to Die
Lotus
The IIID Empire
Increase Blue
Stuck Man
Hageshisa to Kono Mune no Naka de Karamitsuita Shakunetsu no Yami


On the train from Osaki-eki to Tokyo Teleport (a station close to Zepp), I saw a girl with a Dir en grey bag sitting across from me. Her name was Maria, she and her boyfriend Jun were going to the show. Apparently she's 31! She doesn't look it. We met up with some of her other friends and went to the venue. I had to part with them though because I needed to find a coin locker and they had lower ticket numbers.

There was a decent number of foreigners there, which is good. I wish Kris, Sarah, Jacey, Heather, and Robby could've been with me.

It was a tight-packed show. I was surrounded by short girls and relatively tall guys, but I could still see just fine.

Once again, I got a good view of Kyo, Toshiya, and Kaoru. I don't think they ever change places on stage except when they're runnin around.

Kyo came out onstage with raybans and a fedora... and then revealed his disturbingly shaved head to us all. Blegh.

Toshiya as usual was wearing a skirt, but he also had on a suit jacket, vest, button up shirt, and tie. It was really cute.

I could barely ever see Shinya, which is normal. He's still entirely too thin.

Die looked like he was in a hair care product commercial the entire time, cuz he was right under the aircon.

Kaoru looked like terrifying badass leader-sama, as usual.

Kyo's pronunciation of Russian is still not the best, lol.

My body hurt so bad after the show, especially my feet and head. Elbows hurt when they slam into your head. At Diru shows, even when you don't wanna jump or headbang, you have to, because it's so crowded and tightly packed.

My throat also hurt from screaming/growling/singing along.

The feeling I get when I'm at a Dir en grey show is what I imagine devout Christians feel when they go to church.

Although, while waiting for the encore, I almost feel asleep. I had no energy because I hadn't eaten yet that day.

They finally came back on for the encore, and the piano intro to Ain't afraid to die came on.

I. LOST. MY. SHIT.

I started bawling. Not just crying, I mean huge wracking sobs. I felt a rib pop. That song is so setsunai, meaning sad and nostalgic. I was the only one, either. The crying girl next to me took my hand and held it, like Mikan did at the Miyavi show in Roppongi when he played Girls, be ambitious. It's shit like that makes me proud to be a member of the Domestic Fucker Family, a Japanese Zombie Hero (and adopted honorary CoMiyavi).

If I hadn't been packed in so tightly, I would have crumpled to the floor. I haven't cried that hard since Dakota dropped me off at PDX, which was the last day I saw pretty much most of my Pacific friends.

That song has so much meaning and memory for me, that to hear them play it at my first fanclub show was beautiful and sad and awesome all at the same time.

This is the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpy36zgc-xA Please note the video has pretty much nothing to do with the song, as is the case with most VK PVs.

The next song they played, LOTUS, is their new single, which hasn't been released yet. It sounds pretty good.

I wanted to buy a shirt after the show, but the line for goods was crazy long. =( Sad panda.

Gackt sent Shinya flowers. o.0;

I didn't stick around for demachi because I wanted to get home on time.

(I'll write about the holidays later, I promise)